this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Randomize
