I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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