There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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