Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
