he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
