I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
