Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
