We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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