i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
