What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
