she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I stole a fireplace last night.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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