My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
