i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
