im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
