SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize