What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
