that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
