if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
