a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
