Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
