nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
