you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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