So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
