I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
