you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
