brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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