I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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