Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
