forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
