im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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