My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
