Apparently you make a good broom.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
