I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
