I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
as a side note pls kill me
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
