She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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