dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
