It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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