I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
