the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
All the doctor said was why
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
