College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize