I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
3 2 1 whiskey
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
