Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
