I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
