never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
