batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
