is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize