oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
