I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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