Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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