from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
