My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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