i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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