Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
