Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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