Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
