I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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