Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
