I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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