Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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