Your face is a jimmy john
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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