in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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