Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
