my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I will be naked everywhere
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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