we're blogging at a bar
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
