She is in my trunk
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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