All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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