he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
