Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
