wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
