I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
