Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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