I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
