im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
