Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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