You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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