You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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