i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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