"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
