this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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