I puked a lego.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
