Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
