Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
